Fairfield, CA (BlackNews.com) - Pastor Jerone Davison is the author of the popular book, The Spiritual Fragrance of a Woman - the Fragrance that Attracts the Right Man. Pastor Jerone is a young man who loves the people in his church and prays that their heart's desires will be met. He is passionate about the futures of single women in the church and prays to see them happily married.
"The question in our churches is why aren't our daughters getting married? Why aren't the men who come to church and get saved choosing to marry the single saved women in the church? Are the women doing something wrong? I don't think so. Are all of our men going Gay, DL, Thug Life or Crazy Coo Coo Style? I pray not," says Davison.
The low marital statistics in the Afro American community is not only off the hook but off the charts, being the lowest race to commit to marriage. "Have we fallen to the hype of Hip Hop or have we just walked away from Bible believing values and morals? What's up?"
Davison says that one of the reasons why he feels black men don't marry is because most have grown up in single parent or illegitimate homes. Most have never seen a good marriage first hand leaving no desire for marriage. Marriage for most of today's men is nowhere on the list of life's priorities. This is a major issue and is growing uglier by the generation. Which is why the women in our communities must be more demanding of a marital commitment from their boyfriends before sex. Challenge them to be responsible men by making them wait and make a decision. Premarital sex changes everything - it changes his feelings about the woman which is why most of the time it's a hit it and quit it situation.
Secondly, most of today's men don't understand the spiritual or natural significane of marriage and the impact it has on our children thinking that marriage is only a piece of paper. This is where the Church comes in. We've got to preach about marriage. After all a car registration is paper, a driver's license is paper covered by plastic, a reciept is paper etc and without most of these you would be considered illegitimate just as illegitimate as shacking up and pretending to be married.
Lastly, the Fear Factor. Men have a fear of losing sexual excitement, thinking the more the merrier; they fear that one woman can't satisfy. Not knowing that sex in marriage is the greatest love of all because God's blessings are on the marriage, especially marriages that have the big three: love, commitment, and trust; anything else is uncivilized. Marriage is a true gift from God and it's a shame to see it go to waste. The Spiritual Fragrance of a Woman- the Fragrance that Attracts the Right Man can be purchased on www.Amazon.com
*Posted by Kim Brooks, national author of, "He's Saved...But is He For Real?" sequel to bestseller, "He's Fine...But is He Saved?" and "The Little Black Survival Book for Single Saints." www.KimontheWeb.com
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8 comments:
Kim, thank you for posting this article. I appreciate being enlightened to a Black Man's perspective on marriage. I especially like the point on the church stepping in to reiterate the spiritual and natural significance of marriage to single Black Men. However, I can't help but wonder about what single Black Men have been taught concerning the institution of marriage thus far in men's ministry meetings. I can only speak from the single Black Woman's perspective; I know for a fact that the natural and spiritual significance of marrigage has been repeatedly taught in numerous women's meetings for years. I'm just curious. What have single Black Men been taught in men's ministry concerning marriage thus far?
-N. Kennard
This article is absolute truth and I am so happy to see it. It helped me understand things what I am facing now. I also agree with N. Kennard, what are the men being taught (not just the single ones)?
Now I am going to check what kind of fragrance I am giving out. Thanks Kim and Pastor Davison!
God Bless!
-Crystal
thank you for posting this comment i belive that most men feel that because they watch their single moms, or dad compromise by shacking up they feel its ok,or they tend to feel that if mom settle for less than nothing when it comes to a man they don't have a desired to married for me it seems that i'm a single sister waiting ,and i have asked ,myself that question also is something wrong with me because i have seen single men go after the married women in church instead of the ones that are waiting ,and single also i know i will not settle for anything less than what god has for me with some many divorces in the kingdom i wonder if there is a chance for me to be married because i see more couples especially black ones divorcing ,and sometimes it seems like the single brothers aren't paying the single sisters any attention you can dress up where the right fragrance ,and it still doesn't mean you will attract the right man that god has for you so please pray for a sister because i do desire a mate ,but i don't want just anything i want the ,mate i will be compatible with in the spirit.i have seen friends that are married to someone that isn't saved ,and its more warfare so please pray for me i want god to send me someone that isn't a cheater,or a abuser ,and i know one when i see one whether he is a man of god ,or not kanaishka taylor
My parents were married for 40 years. My mother recently went home to be with the Lord in March. I've seen both the good and bad things in a marriage...
There are men that hesitate many times because of the unrealistic expectations many women have on the institute of marriage. Many portions of it have been romanticized to the point that no one could ever keep up with what is expected of us...
The other problem I've discovered...there are so many of our sisters who have been damaged by men who had no desire to serve God, or have a union that would honor God, because of the lack of the father image. The father has been taking hits from the beginning of time, which is why most cannot even relate to God as their heavenly Father...just God.
I've only known a father who was home, and made sure I did what I was to do to be a man that would not be a detriment to me, or anyone around me. There are other men who can say the same.
Many want the wedding ceremony, but not come prepared to work on the marriage beyond "their day". Many jump in feet first, have sex before knowing the person, now emotions are connected to them...soul ties, and other things that the church doesn't address.
Relationships are at their weakest, because many do not have a strong singular fellowship with God. He's an afterthought when it comes to day to day decisions. Hence, God becomes an idol, that we only look to when in trouble, or when in pain.
That's not the God I see in the Word...Proverbs, Psalms, Ecclesiastes...all these books speak of a God who teaches daily how we are to live, not just give us what we want...our society has destroyed our faith. The US is riddled with folk who just want what they want, when they want it.
We're all spoiled, the American dream has overtaken the Kingdom of God, and that's not right...can't serve two masters...
I can go on, but I'll end it here.
God bless.
kjb
This is in reference to kanaishka's response. I'm a single sista coming to you in love so please don't be offended by what I'm about to say. You are absolutely right when you said women can dress up in the right fragrance but, it still seems like it doesn't attract the right man God has for you. God is running the show. We can cry our eyes out asking God to send us a husband and it still may not happen when and how we want it to happen. There is absolutely nothing we can do except pray and believe God; He said He will keep His Word with us and sooner or later we will get what we asked for. I used to wonder a lot on when I would get married I and was told repeatedly to "wait on the Lord." Telling me that was like speaking a foreign language. I wondered what "waiting" on the Lord really meant. I pictured myself waiting at a designated location anticipating a meeting with someone. After a period of time, that picture in my mind started to fade because it seemed like whomever I was waiting on wasn't going to show up. This is how I felt in reference to God giving me a husband. I am still expecting to get a husband but, along the way, I had been engaged 4 times. I thank God that I called off every last engagement because life would have been miserable for me had I married those men! There's no telling where I would be or what type of situation I would be in had I done so. I have said all this to make it plain: We cannot control who we meet, where we meet them or how we meet them. We can not make them want us. We can not make them love us. All we can do is believe God on keeping His word like He said He would and know that when He does it and how He does it is also in His control. We just have to have an open heart to treating people the way we want to be treated as a person in general because you never know who you will attract just by your attitude, how you interact, talk and treat people. I have experienced from direct interaction sista's with bad attitudes and I'm quite certain they missed a blessing from God that they warded off just by how they treated people.
On the subject of married people cheating; we gotta pray for the institution of marriage in addition to praying for our own mate's arrival. The enemy is obviously trying to make a mockery on the institution of marriage to both single and married people so, let's pray for married people that they keep their vows, have happy marriages and shame the devil.
-N. Kennard
The article was good but why must it be the woman's responsibility to keep a man in check. Why is there not more teaching to the men to control themselves? All I ever hear is how the woman just need to say no. I feel as if we have always been upside-down on this matter. The sisters need men to be men and keep their ownselves.
First, I'd like to say thank you for the article(s) on singleness & our concerns. Yet, I'd also like to note that I cannot agree with the generalizations in the article about why black men won't commit. I, myself, am a product of a dual parent home--they've been happily married for 36yrs now and my grandparents for 60. We pretty much had an extended family network where everyone was involved with the raising of the children & were strictly taught honor, respect & key importance of having home training. Thus, that being said, I had a father who demanded excellence from & instilled in me the values of being a virtuous woman--no man to date has 'known' me so the pre-marital sex is not an issue as far as giving it up too freely or too soon. Basically, I feel as though I'm discriminated against because of the direct opposite & wonder why when men meet women such as myself, they determine not to pursue a relationship or friendship solely on the grounds of not receiving 'sexual' perks--and these are Christian men!! well, supposedly....any thoughts on this? please share.
-GdsDva
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