Will the Good, Strong Men Please Stand Up?

R. Kelly has a song called, "I'm a Flirt," in which he brags about being the type of man who will flirt with your girlfriends, his boys' girlfriends, or whomever - so basically don't bring them around him if you don't want him to flirt with them. When I first heard this song I thought, "Ugh, that's not cute," then I thought, well at least he's being honest about who he is, even though 'he ain't right.'
It kinda reminds me of the married man who walks around with his ring finger blaring for all to see, then exchanges numbers with a single woman, tells her he's married, while still calling her all the time and making arrangements to meet her in secret locations. Or the single man who convinces a single, Christian woman to sleep with him so she can prove her "love for him" then they eventually live together, and she, after two years of shacking up, gets frustrated because she's thirty-two now and he still hasn't asked her to marry him.
In spite of these examples, there are good men out there - good men who love the Lord, don't cheat on their women, and choose to remain celibate until marriage. I, personally, know of several "good black men" who will make great husbands one day.
So I said all this to say, ladies, don't settle for the "not-so-good man," thinking you can possibly change him in the near future. Only God can change a man's heart and not you.
I don't know what it is about women where we think we can take a "bad boy" and turn him into a "church boy," just from our having allowed ourselves to mold him into something he may not be. I guess we, as women, watch too much TV or live in a fantasy land sometimes. It also may be our nurturing nature that wants to take something "rough around the edges" and make it all smooth and shiny for the world to see, and for us to then say, "Look what the Lord has done!" as we walk down the aisle with our new prize.
Not to say that we, as women, don't have influence on men, but if we use our influence to then compromise our own beliefs then we're only succumbing to a man's will instead of His perfect will by placing that man as master over us instead of making God our Master. (Romans 6:16)
So again I say, women of God, don't settle for less. Men who cheat, are lustful and promiscuous, and who straddle the fence when it comes to the things of God are not spiritually mature yet.
Ladies - it's nothing you can do, say, wear, cook, or "whip on him," that will cause him to change the kind of man he is, unless God Himself changes him from the inside out.
A good man is a good man because he makes a decision to be a good husband or father and not cheat - he is filled with the Word of God and
surrounds himself with godly counsel and good male role models and authoritative figures such as a pastor (Jeremiah 3:15), and he avoids compromising situations such as placing himself alone with a woman, especially if he knows women and sex are his weaknesses. He doesn't just turn a blind eye against fornication, he flees!
Look at Joseph from the Bible - he was a man of integrity, and no matter what situation he found himself in, he served God, respected the authority placed over him, and when Potiphar's wife came after him day after day begging for sex, he fled! No, not because he didn't want to have sex with her, but because, more importantly, he didn't want to disobey God as he stated, "There is none greater in this house than I; neither hath he kept back any thing from me but thee, because thou art his wife: how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?" (Genesis 39:9) To me, this is the true definition of a "good, strong man." It takes a real man to serve God; it takes nothing to be like every body else and just sleep around with whoever with no commitment.
So hold out for the good one, ladies. Despite what the statistics show, there are some good ones out there, and just like I've heard said before, for those of you believing God for a mate - you only need one - one good one, that is.

The Bible's Definition of a Good Man:
For he was a good man, and full of the Holy Ghost and of faith; and much people was added unto the Lord."
Acts 11:24

Why Are You Here?

Earlier today, a young lady and I talked about the importance of knowing and discovering your purpose. For her, once she discovered her purpose, it gave her something to strive and live for, and it provided a means of knowing where she "fits" in the grand scheme of themes. It also allowed her the freedom to dream big, because she knew she had a destiny, and that she was put on this earth for a reason.

My journey to discover my purpose began about two years after I got saved at 18, or shall I say two years after I received Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior according to Romans 10:8-10. After hearing the Word and drawing closer to God through prayer, praise and worship, a longing grew inside of me in which I wanted to know my purpose, or where I fit in on this planet earth. To be honest, at the time I felt like it took forever for God to reveal it to me, then I realized that He wasn't withholding anything from me, but that He wanted me to know so I could pursue the perfect will of God for my life.
Once I obeyed God (after much bargaining and pleading with Him) and ended an emotional relationship with someone who was not for me, I finally received instructions from my Heavenly Father in regards to my purpose. I later realized that my being "caught up" in that previous relationship was actually a distraction from my being able to hear from God. As soon as I cut off the relationship, God revealed to me in prayer that my purpose is to minister the gospel through the spoken and written word, and various other means through the talents He's given me to steward.
I believe the reason a lot of people end up in wrong relationships is because they don't know their purpose in life.
A single woman who doesn't know her purpose may end up in a relationship with a man simply for the sake of "having a man," then pleasing that man - sometimes to the point of making him a priority over God - soon becomes her purpose. Or there may be a young lady who may be frustrated with not knowing her purpose, so she tries to fill a void in her heart by latching on to someone who everyone can obviously see is a dog, or going no where fast, but because he says all the right things and does nice things for her, then she chooses to continue in the relationship simply because he makes her feel special or important.
Before you enter into a relationship with someone else, be sure you have a clear understanding of who we are in Christ Jesus (i.e. more than a conquerer, wonderfully and fearfully made, beautiful, and born to win) and if you don't know your purpose, pray about it and allow God to reveal it to you.
It is only when we know and passionately pursue our purpose can we then recognize the mate that God has for us when they show up - because then it won't just be about looks and a potentially fun bed-partner, but it will be about a culmination of two destinies, two purposes, and two divine assignments ordained by God coming together as one to fulfill a mighty work for Him.

Single Believers - Are you REALLY Trusting God?

I'm sure most of us are familiar with this famous passage of Scripture:
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I can hear some of your thoughts now, "I know. I know. How many times do I have to hear that Scripture?" But even though you may have heard it, and may even know it by heart, have you really received it?

When I think of the word, "trust," I think of an absolute confidence in. I have absolute confidence in the fact that when I enter a movie theater and have a seat, the seat won't break underneath me. I trust so much that I don't even bother to check and make sure it's firmly affixed to the floor. If I did folks would probably look at me like I was crazy, because they trusted so much that they, too, sat right in their seats without thinking about it twice as well.

The word, "trust" in the original Greek of this passage of Scripture means, "batach," which means to be confident, bold, or sure. As single believers, we must learn to be confident, bold, and sure in the Lord about everything.

The Scripture also admonishes us to trust in the Lord with all of our heart. Not just part of our heart. Not just one part which says, "I trust you Lord," while the other part says, "but what if I never get married?" or, "what if I never meet the right one for me since the odds are stacked against me?" or, "what if I get too old and men would no longer find me attractive?" These heart confessions are filled with fear which is contrary to faith, belief, and trust. And we know that God is not the author of fear, but that He is the author and finisher of our faith.

The second part of the verse 5 says, ...and lean not unto thine own understanding.

The Message Bible states in its translation: ...don't try to figure out everything on your own.

Don't try and figure out why you're still single while getting yourself all stressed out and blood pressure rising because you feel your time is running out or your biological clock is ticking. Sometimes we put ourselves in such a rut feeling sorry for ourselves - thinking we must not be wife material - or, "if only i looked a certain way i would be married by now," - or, "if only I lived in a different city I would be married by now," - or, "if only i went to a different church i would be married by now," - and on and on and on...

Instead of chasing a man, we should be focused on chasing God and the perfect will of God for our lives.

This is not to say that there is anything wrong with desiring a mate; we just have to be careful not to allow our "desire" to turn into an anxiety or care, because God wants us to cast all of our cares on Him. He bore all of our cares for us when He died on the cross. (Isaiah 53:5)

He wants us to be content where we are right now in our current station in life, and He wants us to celebrate the birth, death, and resurrection of His Son, Jesus, not just on Resurrection Sunday, but every day with our lives.

He wants to resurrect our joy. He wants to resurrect our peace. Jesus died so that we might have joy, and that our joy might be full - whether we're single or married. (John 15:11)

So instead of asking yourself if you're really trusting God for a mate, instead ask yourself if you're really trusting God with your life.

He's Saved...But is He For Real?

Hello out there in blog world! It's ya girl, Kim Brooks, author of Black Expressions' Bestseller, He's Fine...But is He Saved? its sequel, He's Saved...But is He For Real? and non-fiction mini-book, The Little Black Survival Book for Single Saints.

I just wanted to give a quick shout out about my latest release, the sequel to He's Fine...But is He Saved? entitled: He's Saved...But is He For Real?

Some may wonder where the title came from. I'm sure a lot of female readers can definitely relate...but I just wanted to offer some food for thought: He's Saved...But is He For Real? In other words...He's Saved...but does he have a real relationship with Jesus Christ? Does He not only say he loves the Lord, but does He really fear the Lord?

Does He honor God with his life and lifestyle - more than just on Sunday morning? Is he lifting up his hands with the praise team on Sunday morning, then on Sunday night trying to get in his "sistah in Christ's" panties while telling himself, "I'm about to get some tonight and will just repent in the morning?"

If that's the case, then he's NOT for real!

Will the REAL brothas in Christ who love the Lord and cheerfully obey His Commandments please stand up? - those who aren't praisin' God one minute, then cussin' someone out the next minute? Those who are remaining celibate until marriage because they truly love God and don't want to break His heart, and those who aren't just claiming to be celibate but still masturbating - or having sex with themselves as a substitute for the real thing?

Well, seeing as though this is my debut blog, this is just a taste of what is to come. We're going to be talkin' about relationships, and we're going to be "keepin' it real." No sugar coating in this blog.

So check back periodically, and please comment and let me know your thoughts.

Much love in Christ!

Kim Brooks

http://www.kimontheweb.com/