"Why Are Black Men Avoiding Marriage?" - A Man's Response!

Fairfield, CA (BlackNews.com) - Pastor Jerone Davison is the author of the popular book, The Spiritual Fragrance of a Woman - the Fragrance that Attracts the Right Man. Pastor Jerone is a young man who loves the people in his church and prays that their heart's desires will be met. He is passionate about the futures of single women in the church and prays to see them happily married.

"The question in our churches is why aren't our daughters getting married? Why aren't the men who come to church and get saved choosing to marry the single saved women in the church? Are the women doing something wrong? I don't think so. Are all of our men going Gay, DL, Thug Life or Crazy Coo Coo Style? I pray not," says Davison.

The low marital statistics in the Afro American community is not only off the hook but off the charts, being the lowest race to commit to marriage. "Have we fallen to the hype of Hip Hop or have we just walked away from Bible believing values and morals? What's up?"

Davison says that one of the reasons why he feels black men don't marry is because most have grown up in single parent or illegitimate homes. Most have never seen a good marriage first hand leaving no desire for marriage. Marriage for most of today's men is nowhere on the list of life's priorities. This is a major issue and is growing uglier by the generation. Which is why the women in our communities must be more demanding of a marital commitment from their boyfriends before sex. Challenge them to be responsible men by making them wait and make a decision. Premarital sex changes everything - it changes his feelings about the woman which is why most of the time it's a hit it and quit it situation.

Secondly, most of today's men don't understand the spiritual or natural significane of marriage and the impact it has on our children thinking that marriage is only a piece of paper. This is where the Church comes in. We've got to preach about marriage. After all a car registration is paper, a driver's license is paper covered by plastic, a reciept is paper etc and without most of these you would be considered illegitimate just as illegitimate as shacking up and pretending to be married.

Lastly, the Fear Factor. Men have a fear of losing sexual excitement, thinking the more the merrier; they fear that one woman can't satisfy. Not knowing that sex in marriage is the greatest love of all because God's blessings are on the marriage, especially marriages that have the big three: love, commitment, and trust; anything else is uncivilized. Marriage is a true gift from God and it's a shame to see it go to waste. The Spiritual Fragrance of a Woman- the Fragrance that Attracts the Right Man can be purchased on www.Amazon.com

*Posted by Kim Brooks, national author of, "He's Saved...But is He For Real?" sequel to bestseller, "He's Fine...But is He Saved?" and "The Little Black Survival Book for Single Saints." www.KimontheWeb.com

"Lord, Why Am I Still Single?"

Some single Christians struggle with the fact that they're still single. No, I'm not talking about when you're at church, shouting and praising God along with everybody else, and as soon as someone asks you how you're doing you say, with a wide smile, "Blessed and highly favored and empowered to power!" No, I'm talking about later on that night, when you're in your house or apartment and you long to hear another voice in the room, so you turn on the T.V. or radio because you want to hear something, anything, besides your own voice speaking to you. I'm talking about as it gets later and later and you check your cell phone to make sure it's still on and you notice no one has called you all day. I'm talking about when you lay in bed, staring at the wall, wishing that the pillow you grip was a warm body to hold - then you roll over on your back and ask God, "Why, Why, WHY Lord am I still single?" Suddenly feelings of loneliness overtake you as tears roll down your cheeks as you've just accepted the invitation to your very own, first class, pity party.

Know this, single believer, God doesn't like to see you cry. He sent Jesus so that you might have joy, and that your joy might be full. He sees You crying at night, and He longs to hold you in His loving arms and say, "My child, you are not alone. I AM with you. I AM is here. I will never leave You nor forsake you. Am I not enough?"

There is nothing wrong with desiring a mate. In fact, Psalm 37:4 lets us know that God gives us the desires of our heart as we delight ourselves in Him. We can stand on this Word; however, God doesn't want our desire to become a want, or a care. The Lord is our Shepherd; we shall not want. God gives us everything we desire and then some, as He has freely given us all things to enjoy, and everything that pertains to life and godliness.

So if you experience nights where you cry yourself to sleep, questioning God, and taking on thoughts such as, "Why am I still single?" "What's wrong with me?" and witness others around you getting married left and right and then you say to yourself, "When is it going to be my turn, Lord?" and "Have you forgotten about me down here, Lord? Hello! I would like to be married and have a family one day, too!" If you consistently struggle with such internal turmoil, then this proves that you have not totally surrendered your desire for a mate over to God.

Instead, you have taken on the care, when God admonishes us to cast our cares on Him - Why? - because He truly cares for us. He loves us so much that He wants what's best for us. He wants us to be happy more than we, ourselves, want to be happy. But He first wants us to be happy in Him.
He wants to be the source and center of our joy, not someone else.

He wants to bless you with a mate, if you so desire, in His season for your life. He knows what's best; you just have to trust Him.

If we truly ask God to order our steps, not necessarily so we can bump into our mates but so that we can be led by God and fulfill the perfect will of God for our lives, then we have to trust God that He hears and honors our prayers, and we have to stand in faith on His Word.

This is not to suggest that we use this "waiting period" to sit idly by. No, we can use this time to cultivate our relationship with God and pursue the purpose that God has for our lives, and we can develop the fruits of the spirit within us which make us become better, more Spirit-led Christians and not flesh-ruled Christians - fruits of the spirit such as love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance, and we can also use this time to develop ourselves not just spiritually but emotionally, physically, and financially.

Instead of focusing so much on what we can get out of a relationship, we can focus on what we could bring to a relationship, in order to be a blessing to that other person.

And we can do all these things with joy while enjoying our time with Jesus and our fellowship with Him and other believers who motivate and encourage us to become the best we can be in Christ, while still believing God for a mate, and rejoicing with those who rejoice, such as other brothers and sisters in Christ whom God has blessed with a mate, or as I like to call it, a permanent boo.


Now repeat this prayer confession out loud:

"Lord, I surrender my desire for a mate to You. I trust that You order my steps, and that the manifestation of my desire will come to pass in Your season for my life, and not according to my calculated timetable. I cast this care on You right now, Lord, because I know that You care for Me, and that You know what's best for me. I use this time to grow in my relationship with You, seek Your face daily, and practice the presence of God in everything I say and do. I present my body as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto you. I am careful for nothing but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, I let my requests be made known unto You and You promise that the peace of God which passes all understanding shall keep my heart and mind through Christ Jesus. So my heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord. You are my reward, and in You I live, move, and have my being, and in your presence there is joy, unspeakable joy and full of glory. So I bid goodbye to every pity party in the Name of Jesus. No longer will I take on that care; I will instead speak to my soul and encourage my soul to hope thou in God, and I will stand on your Word and walk by faith and not by sight. More importantly, I desire to do your will and walk in Your purpose and plan for my life, and I will fulfill my destiny in You, in Jesus' Name, Amen!"

Scripture References:
John 15:11 Mark 11:22
Hebrews 13:5 Galatians 5:22-23
Psalm 37:4 Romans 12:1
Psalm 23:1 Philippians 4:6-7
Romans 8:32 Psalm 112:7
1 Peter 5:7 Acts 17:28
Ecclesiastes 3:1 1 Peter 1:8
Romans 12:15 Psalm 42:5
Psalm 119:133 2 Corinthians 5:7
1 John 5:14-15 Jeremiah 29:11


*Post your COMMENTS to this E-Newsletter on my blog:
www.kimbrooks.blogspot.com

I'm Tired of Waiting on the Lord!

As single believers, how many times do you hear this: "Don't worry, honey, God will bless you with your mate real soon. Just keep waiting on the Lord." And then you nod, smile and say, "Thank you, I receive that," but on the inside you're boiling thinking, "I've been 'waiting on the Lord for eleven years now and I'm tired of waiting on the Lord!"

and for some reason it seems as if the main ones encouraging singles to keep 'waiting on the Lord,' are already married, so then you think, "it's easy for you to say that, you married your high school sweetheart and been having sex on the regular for decades, but when I want it I can't get it because I'm still 'waiting on the Lord.' So then you leave the room thinking, "God, why are you moving so slowly? Where is my mate?" and then you begin to meditate on the fact that you're so tired of being alone like Al Green.

Then you think back to past relationships, or even prospects you turned down, and you think, "did I miss God somewhere?" or you wonder if you could just go back five years ago and say, 'yes' to that person you initially said 'no' to just because you didn't like the hairy mole inside his left ear.

Well one thing we can't do is go back in time, but one thing we can do is maximize the moment and stay encouraged while we wait. How do I do that? you might ask - well I'm glad you asked me :0)

I was reading a particular Scripture the other day and a particular word jumped out at me. I've always believed that as Christians, we are all running in this race called life, with the ultimate prize being obtaining the high calling of God in Christ Jesus, which means being all whom God has called us to be in Him, and eventually transitioning our spirits from inside our bodies to heaven to be forever with the Lord (thank God that as Christians we will never see death - glory to God Hallelujah! John 8:51)

Well, I've always known I was running in a race, but I never realized that I have a running partner. And, no, I'm not going to say it's God (even though He is on the inside giving you the power to run the race with His grace) however this particular running mate I'm speaking about is patience.


Hebrews 12:1 states:

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,


The Word of God says here, "...let us run with patience," so as we're running our Christian race, we have to make sure patience is running right beside us.

This Scripture also admonishes us to lay aside every weight. A weight is something that wears you down, or slows down your race. It can be a heavy load, or a burden - something that gets you off the focus of your race and off Jesus, but, instead has you focused more on the burden.

Examples of "weights" can be worry, doubt, fear, observing the wind or circumstance instead of keeping your eyes on the promise, taking on a care or anxiety instead of casting your care on Jesus, or walking by sight instead of walking by faith.

Hebrews 12:1 also speaks about the sin which easily besets us, which is also a weight. Sex outside of marriage slows down your race and, not only that, takes you totally off course. Not loving your neighbor or coveting another man's wife are also sins and weights which can take you off the course of your Christian race and lead you down a path of destruction.


Once we lay aside the sins and the weights, and grab a hold of patience as our running partner, then we can run our race with cheerful or hopeful endurance or constancy, which is the concordance definition of the word, patience.



And while you run, be sure and take your water, which is necessary for any race so that you can endure without passing out, which for the believer is the Word of God.


Daily, consistent doses of the Word of God will give you the fuel to run your race with the power of God's grace, and will keep His patience, which resides in the pit of your heart, active and alive in you as you run this race called life.


Run at a steady pace now, no need to sprint, and as you're running, be sure to look around, enjoy the sunshine and have fun during this season of your life, because the race is not given to the swift, but to him who can endure 'til the end.




Stay encouraged and call a fellow single friend today and let him or her know that you appreciate them during this season of waiting with cheerful endurance in the Lord.


Much love in Christ,


Kim Brooks

Will the Good, Strong Men Please Stand Up?

R. Kelly has a song called, "I'm a Flirt," in which he brags about being the type of man who will flirt with your girlfriends, his boys' girlfriends, or whomever - so basically don't bring them around him if you don't want him to flirt with them. When I first heard this song I thought, "Ugh, that's not cute," then I thought, well at least he's being honest about who he is, even though 'he ain't right.'
It kinda reminds me of the married man who walks around with his ring finger blaring for all to see, then exchanges numbers with a single woman, tells her he's married, while still calling her all the time and making arrangements to meet her in secret locations. Or the single man who convinces a single, Christian woman to sleep with him so she can prove her "love for him" then they eventually live together, and she, after two years of shacking up, gets frustrated because she's thirty-two now and he still hasn't asked her to marry him.
In spite of these examples, there are good men out there - good men who love the Lord, don't cheat on their women, and choose to remain celibate until marriage. I, personally, know of several "good black men" who will make great husbands one day.
So I said all this to say, ladies, don't settle for the "not-so-good man," thinking you can possibly change him in the near future. Only God can change a man's heart and not you.
I don't know what it is about women where we think we can take a "bad boy" and turn him into a "church boy," just from our having allowed ourselves to mold him into something he may not be. I guess we, as women, watch too much TV or live in a fantasy land sometimes. It also may be our nurturing nature that wants to take something "rough around the edges" and make it all smooth and shiny for the world to see, and for us to then say, "Look what the Lord has done!" as we walk down the aisle with our new prize.
Not to say that we, as women, don't have influence on men, but if we use our influence to then compromise our own beliefs then we're only succumbing to a man's will instead of His perfect will by placing that man as master over us instead of making God our Master. (Romans 6:16)
So again I say, women of God, don't settle for less. Men who cheat, are lustful and promiscuous, and who straddle the fence when it comes to the things of God are not spiritually mature yet.
Ladies - it's nothing you can do, say, wear, cook, or "whip on him," that will cause him to change the kind of man he is, unless God Himself changes him from the inside out.
A good man is a good man because he makes a decision to be a good husband or father and not cheat - he is filled with the Word of God and
surrounds himself with godly counsel and good male role models and authoritative figures such as a pastor (Jeremiah 3:15), and he avoids compromising situations such as placing himself alone with a woman, especially if he knows women and sex are his weaknesses. He doesn't just turn a blind eye against fornication, he flees!
Look at Joseph from the Bible - he was a man of integrity, and no matter what situation he found himself in, he served God, respected the authority placed over him, and when Potiphar's wife came after him day after day begging for sex, he fled! No, not because he didn't want to have sex with her, but because, more importantly, he didn't want to disobey God as he stated, "There is none greater in this house than I; neither hath he kept back any thing from me but thee, because thou art his wife: how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?" (Genesis 39:9) To me, this is the true definition of a "good, strong man." It takes a real man to serve God; it takes nothing to be like every body else and just sleep around with whoever with no commitment.
So hold out for the good one, ladies. Despite what the statistics show, there are some good ones out there, and just like I've heard said before, for those of you believing God for a mate - you only need one - one good one, that is.

The Bible's Definition of a Good Man:
For he was a good man, and full of the Holy Ghost and of faith; and much people was added unto the Lord."
Acts 11:24

Why Are You Here?

Earlier today, a young lady and I talked about the importance of knowing and discovering your purpose. For her, once she discovered her purpose, it gave her something to strive and live for, and it provided a means of knowing where she "fits" in the grand scheme of themes. It also allowed her the freedom to dream big, because she knew she had a destiny, and that she was put on this earth for a reason.

My journey to discover my purpose began about two years after I got saved at 18, or shall I say two years after I received Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior according to Romans 10:8-10. After hearing the Word and drawing closer to God through prayer, praise and worship, a longing grew inside of me in which I wanted to know my purpose, or where I fit in on this planet earth. To be honest, at the time I felt like it took forever for God to reveal it to me, then I realized that He wasn't withholding anything from me, but that He wanted me to know so I could pursue the perfect will of God for my life.
Once I obeyed God (after much bargaining and pleading with Him) and ended an emotional relationship with someone who was not for me, I finally received instructions from my Heavenly Father in regards to my purpose. I later realized that my being "caught up" in that previous relationship was actually a distraction from my being able to hear from God. As soon as I cut off the relationship, God revealed to me in prayer that my purpose is to minister the gospel through the spoken and written word, and various other means through the talents He's given me to steward.
I believe the reason a lot of people end up in wrong relationships is because they don't know their purpose in life.
A single woman who doesn't know her purpose may end up in a relationship with a man simply for the sake of "having a man," then pleasing that man - sometimes to the point of making him a priority over God - soon becomes her purpose. Or there may be a young lady who may be frustrated with not knowing her purpose, so she tries to fill a void in her heart by latching on to someone who everyone can obviously see is a dog, or going no where fast, but because he says all the right things and does nice things for her, then she chooses to continue in the relationship simply because he makes her feel special or important.
Before you enter into a relationship with someone else, be sure you have a clear understanding of who we are in Christ Jesus (i.e. more than a conquerer, wonderfully and fearfully made, beautiful, and born to win) and if you don't know your purpose, pray about it and allow God to reveal it to you.
It is only when we know and passionately pursue our purpose can we then recognize the mate that God has for us when they show up - because then it won't just be about looks and a potentially fun bed-partner, but it will be about a culmination of two destinies, two purposes, and two divine assignments ordained by God coming together as one to fulfill a mighty work for Him.

Single Believers - Are you REALLY Trusting God?

I'm sure most of us are familiar with this famous passage of Scripture:
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I can hear some of your thoughts now, "I know. I know. How many times do I have to hear that Scripture?" But even though you may have heard it, and may even know it by heart, have you really received it?

When I think of the word, "trust," I think of an absolute confidence in. I have absolute confidence in the fact that when I enter a movie theater and have a seat, the seat won't break underneath me. I trust so much that I don't even bother to check and make sure it's firmly affixed to the floor. If I did folks would probably look at me like I was crazy, because they trusted so much that they, too, sat right in their seats without thinking about it twice as well.

The word, "trust" in the original Greek of this passage of Scripture means, "batach," which means to be confident, bold, or sure. As single believers, we must learn to be confident, bold, and sure in the Lord about everything.

The Scripture also admonishes us to trust in the Lord with all of our heart. Not just part of our heart. Not just one part which says, "I trust you Lord," while the other part says, "but what if I never get married?" or, "what if I never meet the right one for me since the odds are stacked against me?" or, "what if I get too old and men would no longer find me attractive?" These heart confessions are filled with fear which is contrary to faith, belief, and trust. And we know that God is not the author of fear, but that He is the author and finisher of our faith.

The second part of the verse 5 says, ...and lean not unto thine own understanding.

The Message Bible states in its translation: ...don't try to figure out everything on your own.

Don't try and figure out why you're still single while getting yourself all stressed out and blood pressure rising because you feel your time is running out or your biological clock is ticking. Sometimes we put ourselves in such a rut feeling sorry for ourselves - thinking we must not be wife material - or, "if only i looked a certain way i would be married by now," - or, "if only I lived in a different city I would be married by now," - or, "if only i went to a different church i would be married by now," - and on and on and on...

Instead of chasing a man, we should be focused on chasing God and the perfect will of God for our lives.

This is not to say that there is anything wrong with desiring a mate; we just have to be careful not to allow our "desire" to turn into an anxiety or care, because God wants us to cast all of our cares on Him. He bore all of our cares for us when He died on the cross. (Isaiah 53:5)

He wants us to be content where we are right now in our current station in life, and He wants us to celebrate the birth, death, and resurrection of His Son, Jesus, not just on Resurrection Sunday, but every day with our lives.

He wants to resurrect our joy. He wants to resurrect our peace. Jesus died so that we might have joy, and that our joy might be full - whether we're single or married. (John 15:11)

So instead of asking yourself if you're really trusting God for a mate, instead ask yourself if you're really trusting God with your life.

He's Saved...But is He For Real?

Hello out there in blog world! It's ya girl, Kim Brooks, author of Black Expressions' Bestseller, He's Fine...But is He Saved? its sequel, He's Saved...But is He For Real? and non-fiction mini-book, The Little Black Survival Book for Single Saints.

I just wanted to give a quick shout out about my latest release, the sequel to He's Fine...But is He Saved? entitled: He's Saved...But is He For Real?

Some may wonder where the title came from. I'm sure a lot of female readers can definitely relate...but I just wanted to offer some food for thought: He's Saved...But is He For Real? In other words...He's Saved...but does he have a real relationship with Jesus Christ? Does He not only say he loves the Lord, but does He really fear the Lord?

Does He honor God with his life and lifestyle - more than just on Sunday morning? Is he lifting up his hands with the praise team on Sunday morning, then on Sunday night trying to get in his "sistah in Christ's" panties while telling himself, "I'm about to get some tonight and will just repent in the morning?"

If that's the case, then he's NOT for real!

Will the REAL brothas in Christ who love the Lord and cheerfully obey His Commandments please stand up? - those who aren't praisin' God one minute, then cussin' someone out the next minute? Those who are remaining celibate until marriage because they truly love God and don't want to break His heart, and those who aren't just claiming to be celibate but still masturbating - or having sex with themselves as a substitute for the real thing?

Well, seeing as though this is my debut blog, this is just a taste of what is to come. We're going to be talkin' about relationships, and we're going to be "keepin' it real." No sugar coating in this blog.

So check back periodically, and please comment and let me know your thoughts.

Much love in Christ!

Kim Brooks

http://www.kimontheweb.com/